No named post

It is difficult to know how to explain this update. Words fail. And quiet frankly our understanding also. 

AJ has been adopted... and not by us. 

The last update I posted was about AJ and what we knew so far in our adoption tale. We got a few papers in and our CPS office lawyer told us to wait until I had Mila to make the drive out to the main CPS office. Well, little did we all know that from that last conversation in September, and in October when AJ was declared officially without a family and adoptable, a different office of CPS has been working to place him with a permanent family. 

A week an a half ago, the HOH directors were told about AJ's permanent placement, and when they asked the lawyer what happened to our case, the only response she had was that we hadn't made an effort in trying to adopt AJ and there was nothing she could do. And of course this response is very frustrating to us as we have asked and asked about what we need to do to get this process going and basically been told false information. Or even flat out lies. 

We immediately contacted a highly recommended adoption lawyer in Quito after we learned of the adoption. After telling our tale and showing all the paperwork on AJ we had, the lawyer told us that at this point, there was nothing we could do. Now, if we had hired a lawyer about a year ago, we probably could have had a chance... because in reality, things like how many years we have lived in Ecuador and trying to conceive a baby, doesn't actually matter, so say this lawyer. And of course, that is very discouraging. 

So here we are... about to have Mila (or maybe by the time this gets posted, already had her!). A  joyous and beautiful experience that is slightly tainted by the sadness in our hearts. Our baby boy is leaving us. And leaving us quickly; sometime between the end of this week and the beginning of next week.

So I ask this of you. Keep us in our prayers. 

Prayers for this time when we are welcoming in a baby girl into our lives. Prayers that Satan doesn't steal our joy. That we are able to keep our hearts open to her despite the heaviness that we feel. And very honestly, prayers that I don't develop postpartum depression. 

Also fervent prayers for AJ. We are trying to work with CPS to make the smoothest transition possible, but we still know it will be extremely difficult on him. He has entered a clingy stage in life because he has learned that we are his Mommy & Daddy. He has adopted our personality traits and habits. He knows our house as his home. And to change all of this... his family, home, and environment will be traumatic. 

This adoptive couple seem nice, based on the pictures I've seen. They are excited and have made many changes to prepare for AJ. Plus... they have already jumped all the hoops in the Ecuador adoption craziness. I don't know if they are Christians or not, or how they will raise AJ. But I do know that we have a great God and he has already worked wonders in AJ's short life. I have full confidence that God will continue to show up and show out in big ways in this guy's life. 

We may never get to see or know where God is going to take AJ, and man that is a very sad thought for us. But we must continue to walk in faith that it is all in God's hands.

I want to say a BIG thank you to all of you who have secretly asked for pictures of AJ, wanted to know updates on the adoption process, and about his general well-being. Some of you have met him, most of you have not, but you all treated him like he was our little one and we so very much appreciate it. 

Now, because I have *somewhat* refrained from posting pictures of AJ over this past year... I will post his Month to Month pictures and some of favorites. 

ALSO. I need a favor. If you would like to make a comment to us... please refrain for saying that you will pray for a miracle and something will change so that AJ can stay with us. You can still pray for that, but please understand that in our hearts and mind, we need to believe that this is going to happen. Not that we don't believe in miracles or in God's power nor that we want AJ leaving us, but it is very painful to hold onto that kind of hope. We need to look forward to the closure that this will bring and be able to grieve our loss. Thank you for your understanding. 

We love you AJ. 

You will always be our first baby.