The fruit of the Spirit isn't a pineapple...

But according to my "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" app, baby Mila is a pineapple this week! (If you haven't heard... I am 35 week pregnant!)
Was that a strange segue for y'all? Sorry, my brain is all over the place lately. I blame hormones.

The last time I wrote about baby stuff was after we had lost our first pregnancy.
*long pause and deep breath*
A literal long pause because it was over a year since I blogged after that and I also just took a long pause because I'm not sure what to write after that sentence.

...

The last time I wrote about baby stuff was after we had lost our first pregnancy. A lot has happened since then. I assume most of y'all are fairly aware of those changes because you are our Facebook friends (and if you aren't, you really should be). Last December we received baby Angel Jesus, a newborn who was abandoned in a strip mall. We received word about him while we were in the States for a funeral and two days after a negative pregnancy test. It was (and has been) exciting and overwhelming at the same time to be insta-parents.

It has been almost a year since we received AJ, and so much has happened (like becoming pregnant!). I wanted to take some time to give y'all a status report on AJ and the adoption process. This will probably be a long story, sorry y'all.

I will start by saying that fostering/adopting is a VERY complicated process in Ecuador... as most legal processes are. Plus, Ecuador does not have currently have a foster program and in fact, looks down on the foster program. We currently are fostering through the Hacienda, which has legalized written bylaws allowing fostering, and that is the only reason why we are allowed to have AJ. So I guess we were off to a bad start to begin with when dealing with CPS (child protective services).

AJ's case was a little different from most because he was broadcasted all over the national news. Case workers, police officials, and the local CPS office were interviewed and videoed, which probably made them feel pretty important. Newborns being abandoned in town actually isn't a very common occurrence. So some of the locals have this special emotional attachment to him, which they don't in any of the other Hacienda kids.

Back in early 2016, I was posting pictures of AJ on Facebook fairly often. Despite the fact that my profile is set to private, the local CPS office was able to see some of the images and posts. They were fairly upset, and understandably. It is a law, even in the States, that foster parents cannot post picture of their foster kids. But the part that got me was the fact that they were upset to see that we were growing a bond with him. They feel like it is better for a child to be put in a children's home or orphanage so that bond aren't formed as closely. Kinda backwards thinking, hu? Well, I was visited by the local CPS office. They came up to the house and wanted to see the baby and where he was staying. They also wanted to inform me that we were not his forever parents and that we will never be his forever parents. Pretty harsh.

That was a difficult conversation and a difficult day. We've known all along that chances of adoption could be pretty slim and that we just had to be prayerful and open to all possibilities. Which of course is a very...VERY... hard thing for anyone to do, nonetheless a couple suffering through infertility.

We were told that this was the local CPS office who were making these statements and they technically don't make any sort of adoption decisions. So we made an appointment in February, with the main CPS office in Tena, which is in-charge of adoptions in our area. Tena is a 5 hour drive towards the Amazon jungle.  There we had an informal meeting with the psychologist. Normally we would meet with a social worker, but the current one had quit so we were left with psychologist. We had hoped that because of the good relationship the Hacienda directors had with the main CPS office, we would receive good news. We left fairly disappointed. Here is what we were told:

• We couldn't start the official processes of being adoptive parents until July 2016, because that is when we would have lived in Ecuador for 3 years (we knew this part, so it wasn't a big deal)
• As adoptive parents you cannot choose the child you want to adopt. CPS chooses them... It doesn't matter that you are fostering a child, especially in our case because the child is so young you don't grow the same kind of bond. We were told that infants don't remember anything so the bond we are creating doesn't really matter much. (?!?!?!?)
• If we wanted to adopt, we couldn't be in the process of trying to get pregnant. If we were to get pregnant, we would have to wait a certain period of time after the birth of our child to begin/or continue the process of adoption.

I left that day feeling extremely discouraged, more so about that last point. What do we do? Do we post-pone fertility treatments and pursue adoption in hopes that they will bend the "not choosing your baby" rule (which we feel confident they would) and jump through all the hoops not knowing if further down the line we get a different "no" for a different reason (which is highly possible). Do we continue with fertility treatments in the hopes that they would change their minds later and even take the risk that AJ could be adopted by someone else? Its almost a no win/no win situation.

The path we decided on was to continue our plan of growing our family and put AJ's adoption into God's hands. In March, we found out our third IVF cycle was successful and I was pregnant. Things were pretty quiet on the CPS front for several months. The main office had a change over of staff (which happens every two years) so that delayed almost all of their cases. In July the new psychologist was in town working with the Hacienda's social worker. I was informed that the new lady was up to date on AJ's case and wanted to work with us on adoption work. Praise the Lord!

In July sat down with the new main office CPS psychologist while she was in town. She got some basic info down and said we had to drive out to Tena again and do an official interview. We asked if being pregnant would be an issue, she assured us that it would not be (hooray!). However, the problem was, once again, there was no current social worker. The lady said that once she found a social worker she would give us a call and we could set up an appointment, hopefully for sometime in August. Well, August came and went and we received no call. This isn't a surprising fact, as that it is very common here. We are the ones who have to be proactive if we want things to happen. And unfortunately, we were not. I could list off some excuses and things we were doing, but I won't. We should have been better.

September came and so did the time for the Hacienda social worker to close AJ's file with the courts. This means that all the work to find his family has been done and he can be officially declared adoptable. Well, that put a little bit of a rush on us. I was in Quito getting a glucose test done when I was told that we should be getting together documents and speaking with the psychologist again. Jake called and talked to the lady and she said we could begin the paperwork, BUT because I was pregnant, the 5 hour drive would be too much for me and to wait until after I gave birth (because then having two babies and driving to Tena would be so much easier?). 

We were scheduled to leave the next day for our month long visit in the States. So I ran around trying to get paperwork together- pictures of AJ throughout the time we've had him, pictures of our house, picture of our family, apostilled marriage certificate, visa paperwork. Then while we were in the States, we got more paperwork- apostilled birth certificates, changed the name on my brith certificate because it was spelled wrong, and FBI fingerprints/background check, all to put into our file to show that we have begun some sort of work towards adoption. 

Now that we are back in Ecuador, we've heard that the psychologist is quitting in December. And that is where we stand right now. Still in limbo. But maybe with higher hopes than when we began the year. 

AJ will turn one on December 8th.

He has two lower teeth and 4 coming in right now on top.

He is getting super close to walking.

He says "mama" and definitely knows who his "right now" Ma-ma and Da-da are.

He loves to watch "Praise Baby" (worship music for babies) on the TV and play on the couch.

He loves his puppy dog, but too bad the puppy dog is afraid of him.

And he is absolutely a blessing to Jake and I. 

Baby Mila is due Dec. 22nd. She has been kicking momma a lot! Side note- How come we women don't often talk about the amazingness that is growing a baby?!? There is a whole 'nother world going on in your abdomen that no one knows about! You are at work, sitting in a meeting maybe, and there is life kicking, moving about, growing inside of you and everyone else is just going about like it is another normal day. It's not a normal day... there is a miracle happing! It's just so cool! But I digress. 

Anyway. That is the long story. We still don't know what is going to happen. It is all still outside of our control and we have to daily give it all to God because there is nothing else to be done. It isn't easy. We love this little guy so fiercely. He is our family. Let's all be in prayer that he will get to be in our forever family. 

September 2016

Shhhh... Don't tell anyone!

Shame on us!

Shame on us for not posting in over a whole year!

Sometimes it seems like there are so many people putting updates, thoughts, and opinions out there on the web that adding one more voice to it all seems all so insignificant. However, while on our US "tour" I was reminded that people *actually* read and follow our blog. Bless your hearts! So here it is, a blog update:

Our three year anniversary of living in Ecuador has come and gone. We have begun our 4th school year. How's it going, you ask? You REALLY want to know? I'll tell you.

Have you ever felt excited about a new job? Felt excited for the adventures, the changes you would bring about for the betterment of the workplace, the strengths you'd provide, etc? And then several months/years into said job, you find yourself disappointed and discouraged because reality didn't meet your expectation? I think it happens to all of us, to some degree or another. We are no exception.

This past year has been difficult for the both of us. Year three. Man, it was a doozy!
Our expectations of where the school (students, teachers, and parents) would be by this point in our time as directors are pretty far from reality. And what is even more burdensome is other people's expectations of where we should be by now.

We've done elaborate trainings, hours upon hours of meetings, given out teacher memos (this is a bad thing), given pep talks and stern talking-tos, handed out daily and weekly reminders, we have prayer sessions and devotionals, all in the hopes of seeing change in the school. By now, all (or at least most things) should be running smoothly with routines and procedures in place and our teachers trained and implementing the latest educational craze.

But what have we seen and learned, especially this last year? Change is hard and expectations go unmet... but thats ok.

I've heard it said, that in the States, after a training on a new concept/classroom management style/teaching philosophy/"lo que sea" (whatever) you expect to see results in about 6 months. Well, when you throw in the fact that many of these trainings are counter-cultural here in Ecuador, you could probably expect to see results in maybe a year. That is if you can retain the teachers every school year. And then add more training/changes on top of that, because running a school is so multifaceted, it isn't just about one procedure or teaching style... it has to be all encompassing. So when you look at it from this perspective, that is a whole host of changes in a short amount of time! That makes me feel a tad bit better about our situation.

And while we are at it, lets talk about expectations. Expectations can be such a nasty little thing.
I found this quote by author Steve Maraboli, that I find true. He says, "Expectations feeds frustrations. It's an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes we wish we could control; but don't."
We don't control. I have a bad habit in that most of the time I hate not being in control. But right now, in this circumstance, it is a wonderful truth. Know why? Because it means that God is in control.

During this season of frustration, Jake and I have been comforted by reading Isaiah 55:8-13, which says:
""My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the gain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.
It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
You will live in joy and peace.
The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!
Where once there were thorns, cypress will grow.
Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up.
These events will bring great honor to the LORD's name;
they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.""
NLT

For us, this passage has been a reminder that God is in control. This work, here in Ecuador is HIS work. It isn't ours. And as much as we love it, he loves it so much more. Of course God will bless it, make it fruitful, and he will receive the honor and glory. It may take some time, as does growing seed and producing bread for the hungry, but in the end we have his promise that when he sends his word (or when he sends his people) it always produces fruit and accomplishes all he intends it to.

And just this year, we have seen just a glimpse of his mighty works. We've heard the faint sound of mountains and hills singing their song. Or the tree clapping and dancing in joy. The myrtles and cypress beginning to bud.
This school year, HOHCA has grown in student population by 32%. We went from 178 students last year to 235 this year. That is by far the most this little school has ever seen. So while sometimes we have a hard time seeing changes, parents and community members view it with different eyes. What a blessing.

Praise God that his thoughts and ways are higher and far beyond anything we could imagine.
This year... this year is going to be great. Because we will put our trust (and expectations!) in God.