I know I need to write and update everyone, but what do I say?
Please bear with me in this post as it may be long winded and all over the place, as I feel like I have so much to say.
My Papa died on December 15th. He was an amazing man and I was very close to him. I am the youngest of his 4 kids. He always told me I was his favorite (sorry to break the news to my other siblings!).
The past few weeks have been emotionally draining.
We have seen a lot of friends and family, especially since it is the Christmas season. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the phrase, "I'm sorry about the circumstances, but I'm glad to see you!". How do you tell someone that you love with all your heart that you aren't glad to see them? Because that how I've felt during my time in the States. I love you, but I'd rather not be here, dealing with this. Its hard.
We are also SO saddened to have missed out on spending Christmas at home, in Ecuador. We had so many exciting things planned at school with the students and with our family(the Reegers and the HOH kids). Seeing pictures on Facebook was great and we are blessed that Justin and Jauna stepped up BIG time by helping the school run in our absence... but also, seeing those pictures was just another reminder that we are here in the States dealing with my Papa's passing.
Gosh its been hard.
So now, I am sitting at the Miami Airport. Christmas just passed and it is New Year's Eve.
People are talking about how their Christmas went and their plans for New Years. It all seems surreal. Christmas came and went in a blur. Jake lands in Quito at 11:30pm, and will probably getting through customs and picking up baggage when the new year rings in.
This time has always felt so magical for me, but what do you do when it doesn't?
Because most of the time I am living in my own little bubble of events going on around me, I have never considered what what it would be like if it wasn't a perfect holiday season. Because of our circumstances I have become aware of just how many other people are sad, depressed, lonely or going through a difficult time during this season. I personally know several individuals struggling with family members passing away, life-threatening cancer, and many other difficult circumstances.
I was just talking to a friend of mine in Ukraine. His name is Sasha. Sasha and his wife, Anastasia, are working with an organization called "Let's Love". They are working to help displaced Ukrainians, giving clothes and warmth during the harsh winter while spreading the love and brotherhood of Christ. We got to know both Sasha and Anastasia in Mariupol when we did short term mission work there.
The Mariupol/Doneskt (where the Ukrainian Bible School was located) area is a very dangerous place now. So Sasha and Anastasia had to move. They have consistently been moving from one place to another, finding places to serve but also places that are safe.
Today, Sasha messaged me via Facebook and asked how I was. I let him know I was OK and am at the airport headed home. His reply was, "I want to go home, but I don't know where that is."
Wow. Harsh.
During times like these, I remember a particular verse (and song) that really affirms me.
It is well known... AND I've just realized that I have blogged about it before! Go figure...
Isaiah 43:1-3 NIV
"But now, this is what the LORD says- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep you over. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...""
While thinking of this verse, I did a little research to recall the situation and circumstances that these words were written during. Here is some partials of what I found:
The book [of Isaiah] is a collection of oracles, prophecies, and reports; but the common theme is the message of salvation. There was, according to these writings, no hope in anything that was made by people. The northern kingdom of Israel had been carried into captivity (722 B.C.), and the kingdom of Judah was in the middle of idolatry and evil. The kingdom of Assyria had dominated the Fertile Crescent and posed a major threat to both kingdoms; and the kingdom of Babylon was gaining power and would replace Assyria as the dominant threat. In view of the fast-changing international scene, the people of Israel would be concerned about their lot in life—what would become of the promises of God? How could the chosen people survive? And must the remnant of the righteous also suffer with the nation, that for all purposes was pagan?(citation here)
So, the people of Israel where going through many uncertainties, trails and unknowns. And here is this message from Isaiah, whose name means "salvation of Yah-weh", encouraging the people of Israel to not fear because He, God, is with them and He has a plan for them... a plan of salvation. That plan was and is Jesus.
I also like the Message version of these verses:
"But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started Israel: "Don't be afraid, Ive redeemed you. Ive called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end- Because I am God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.""
So, this is what I say in my blog post.
I miss my Papa. I am sad and this season has been a hard time... and I am not the only one. There are so many out there in the world today where this is a difficult time of year. But I have something. Something that makes it easier. I have the promise of God, that He will be with me in every step. I have the promise of Jesus dying on the cross for me so that when this life is over... when I have partaken and overcome all the heart-aches, joys, struggles and triumphs He wants for me... I will be in heaven with my Creator.
My Papa also had that promise.
So now you ask, how am I.
I am doing better. Both my mom and I. We are at peace knowing that Walter is at peace.
I was able to spend a lot of time with my mom and help her do some paperwork. She is going to fly to Oregon in the beginning of January to spend time with family and friends. I was also able to see my brother and spend time with my two half sisters.
I am also doing well because of so many of you. Despite the fact that hearing that phrase ("its good to see you...") was difficult for me, please know I did enjoy being with you and receiving your hugs! I've never lost anyone close to me before so having your presence, kind words, snail-mail cards, and Facebook messages has been a source of comfort.
I know we say this often, but I ASSURE you it is because it is 100% true. We could not do what we do with out you guys. Your financial support and emotional support mean so much to us. We talk and think about you often.
I am also including pictures on this blog of events that happened in November...
Family portrait 1987
Playing in the snow on Mt. Hood
July 16, 2006
Family portrait 2013
Celebrating my Papa's birthday at Chinese with mom
Friends!
Our formal Christmas picture
On November 11th we had the privilege of having Israel and Gabby (weekend house parents at the HOH) in our home to have their baby! It was such an amazing experience and we are blessed with such wonderful people to be around!
HOH Christian Academy annual Christmas program at Camp Bellevue. Over 400 people in attendance!
HOH Christian Academy annual Christmas service project. Students visited community members and a small poor public school, delivering non-persishable food items, clothes and candy. Students also helped serve in and around the homes.
Home!
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